Learning the Lessons Through Love
In this life I gave myself an angry father so I could learn the value of true empowerment. I gave myself a broken family so I could learn the importance of making wise choices from the beginning and the consequences of breaking commitments. I created a fairytale romance that defies all logic and is more painful at times than I could ever imagine to learn the jagged edges of my own soul and grow myself beyond any recognition of my former self. I’ve swam into the pools of my own shadow and gone into the heart-crushing depths of the pain I’ve carried to find the edges of my personal capacity and to develop nuance with every stroke. And I’ve remembered: none of our pain or shadow is about any one thing. My pain is my personal capacity for pain and it exists. Certain things trigger it and yet those things do not cause my well of pain. I cannot get locked into any story, otherwise pain nodules freeze in time. The healing journey transcends any particular event or circumstance: it is all events and all circumstances coming into clarity and the full invitation for deep peace. It is the reuniting of the unloved with the loved, the crushing loss with the always found, the terrifying with the illuminated and the parts that haven’t found their place with the parts who have always belonged. Each of us carry a pool that aches for discovery. Every note needs to sound. Every raw stone on the board is being shaped through experience into pieces worthy of placement. And every difficulty is opportunity to shape our pieces very, very clearly. Who we are becoming is the full set of our internal pieces: each one carved and sculpted with attention and care. If we stop halfway or get stuck in a story, the piece never gets fully developed. If I had stopped in hot reactive/defensive patterns because of my angry father I never would’ve found my own self-love, internal relaxation, speaking clearly, knowing my yeses and my nos, maintaining poise, allowing for others, staying in my own lane, etc etc. My discernment is being shaped very clearly. My patience, care, and love are being shaped very clearly. My integrity, commitment, and follow-through are being carved and sculpted into pieces of beauty. And all were hard won through difficulty. Let us be shaped into sculptures of beauty by every experience we pass through, and let every refinement be a win for our soul as we release even more and show up in our full radiant self. Amen.
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